The psalmist says, “I meditate and search my spirit.” But he seems to be doing this in the dark, both literally and spiritually. As he wrestles with his questions, he can't sleep because God seems so silent. So, he wonders: Has God forgotten me? Has mercy run its course? Are the promises gone?
Biblical scholars note a movement from lament to remembrance in Psalm 77. The turning point happens when the psalmist looks past God’s supposed absence and begins to remember God’s actions. But before that happens, he searches his own spirit. He pays attention to what is happening within him.
That is holy work. But it should not only be emergency work.
Too often, we examine our souls after something breaks. We wonder why we feel this way or what has come upon us. But only after resentment, exhaustion, or anxiety has taken over the night. Self-examination, then, becomes a sort of spiritual ambulance. It's supposed to be a form of daily bread.
Centuries ago, Ignatius of Loyola encouraged Christians to practice a daily examen: pause, become aware of God’s presence, review the day, notice what stirred gratitude or resistance, and bring it honestly before God. Some of us might worry about obsessing over every mistake if we did that. But that's not the point. The point is learning to recognize what’s moving in your spirit and recognizing how it is with your soul. This is where a journal can come in handy.
You do not have to wait for the midnight of your life to search your spirit.
Pay attention while the sun is still shining. Learn to sit with your day. Name what inspired you or caught your attention. Yes, you can even acknowledge what you're struggling with. Ask yourself where you noticed God, and where you resisted grace.
Now, none of this means you won't have questions or sleepless nights. But a searched spirit is less likely to become a lost one.
Stay blessed...john
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