This week, I have taken intentional time to journal about my inner life. It has been both challenging and necessary. I’m sharing these reflections with you so you can also ask God to search what temptations, worries, or burdens might be pulling you this week.
As someone who spends much of my time thinking about God-related things, talking about God, and preparing others to encounter God, this week has been a reminder that there is a difference between working for God and being present with God.
A question I have wrestled with is, What is happening in my soul while I am doing all the things expected of me as a pastor?
I am entering a new season of ministry. New church. New community. New relationships. New expectations. There is excitement, but there is also uncertainty. I have been reflecting on the verse I preached on in my first sermon: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). I have often preached about the importance of rest and trusting God’s timing. This week's journaling forced me to ask whether I actually live into those truths.
There is a temptation in pastoral ministry to measure faithfulness by all the outcomes we can see: attendance, programs, engagement, even momentum. But God’s work often begins in more hidden places. Growth happens beneath the surface first.
This week, I have focused on gratitude. I am grateful for the new relationships and opportunities before me. It is a privilege to serve a congregation in transition. But there's also a bit of uneasiness. I want to do well. I want people to experience hope. I want the church to move forward. That desire is, overwhelmingly, rooted in love. It would be unwise for me, though, not to question whether it is sometimes also rooted in my own need to prove that I can make a difference.
Another question I have sat with is, Can I trust that God really is already working before I arrive?
One of the greatest challenges of ministry is remembering that the church does not belong to me. It belongs to Christ. I am not the Savior of the congregation. I am another participant in God’s saving work. My calling is not to carry the entire weight of transformation but to faithfully follow where God is already moving.
Stay blessed...john
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