On his last night with his disciples, Jesus says some unsettling things. For one, he tells his disciples that“One of you will betray me.” Now, no one in the room seems to get upset or demand that the one fess up. Instead, the disciples look at each other, uncertain. Not one of them stands up and says, “I know exactly who it is.” Which is strange, isn’t it? Because you would think by now, after all the walking and talking and watching, they’d have it figured out.
But they don’t.
Maybe that's because betrayal doesn’t announce itself. It hides in plain sight, even at the table of grace, which is part of what makes it so hurtful.
So the disciples start wondering. “Is it him?” “Could it be you know who?”
And if we’re honest, we do the same thing. When we hear Jesus talk about brokenness, failure, or turning away, our instinct is to scan the room rather than search our own hearts. We’d rather point out Judas than acknowledge the places within us where our love grows thin and devotion gets complicated.
But notice that, even in the face of his betrayal, Jesus serves. He stays at the table.
Now, John tells us, “It was night.” Besides knowing the time of day, John wants us to sense the dread of this moment for Judas and the others who could not see clearly. Even in that moment, Jesus says, “the Son of Man has been glorified.”
There is God's light breaking into the middle of their misunderstanding and temptation.
Which tells me that even when we don’t fully see, or even when we get it wrong, Jesus is still at work. He is still loving, giving, and moving toward the cross.
So, before you ask, “Who is it?” maybe the better question is: “Lord, where is it in me?”
Stay blessed...john
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